Last week I joined the millions of women who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy.
We found out I was pregnant just a few weeks ago. I hadn’t really been keeping track of my periods for whatever reason, but one Sunday afternoon, I realized it had been quite a while since Aunt Flo visited. I had to go grocery shopping that afternoon, so I picked up a cheapo pregnancy test.
It was completely unexpected but very exciting nonetheless. Images of having two little babies started dancing in my head, and I was already figuring out how we would rearrange our house to accommodate the new arrival. I excitedly (and prematurely) started calling family and friends to tell them our big news. We even went to a family reunion of sorts the next week, and we didn’t hesitate to share our news. I even bought Harper a “Big Sister” t-shirt in a size 3T and altered it to fit her tiny frame.
But then, last Thursday, I started spotting. It was almost nothing at first, so I didn’t stress TOO much about it. I’ve read that lots of women experience bleeding in the first trimester. It got a little heavier that afternoon, but still…nothing to write home about.
The next morning, I awoke to that feeling we women all know – when it feels like your period has started. I kind of ignored it since I was cuddling with Harper, but I then started feeling a little crampy. After a few more kisses and hugs, I anxiously went to the bathroom.
I knew it was over.
Scott decided to take the day off and took me to the emergency room. Even though I knew what was happening, I kept hoping for a little heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. There was nothing. The sullen faces of the radiology techs told me everything I needed to know.
That afternoon, I opted to have a D&C procedure performed so I could get on with my life. Harper and Scott were with me the entire day leading up to the procedure. I think that I probably would have taken it a lot harder had I not had them to keep my spirits up.
The next day, I felt surprisingly good. Tired. But good. Harper stayed at a friend’s house for a few hours so I could rest, and Scott helped me work on my sewing machine. I was surprised I didn’t feel sadder. While I had my teary moments, I knew that the miscarriage happened for a reason, and I took comfort in knowing that most of my female friends/family had experienced the same at some point.
So now, even though we weren’t “trying” to get pregnant, I can’t wait for my body to get back to normal so we CAN try again! I realized while I was pregnant how excited I was for another baby.
Perhaps in a few months we will have some better news.